


The Promise of Tomorrow

by fembuck



Series: Behind Closed Doors [1]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F, Femslash, First Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 16:09:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7179116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fembuck/pseuds/fembuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bea struggles to reconcile her fears with her desires.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Promise of Tomorrow

It was still strange for Bea, the effect that came over her whenever her eyes landed on Allie. Time didn’t stop per say, but it did seem to slow. In moments like this part of Bea was still aware of what was happening around her - Doreen talking about Nash to her left, Liz responding with a dirty joke and then nudging Doreen with her arm as she laughed, two idiots in the food line fighting over a pancake, the irritating hum of the fluorescent lights overhead - all of it was still there, but muted, dulled by the intoxicating effect of Allie’s presence.

As Allie made her way into the mess hall, her eyes caught Bea’s almost as soon as Bea’s eyes settled on her, and immediately the blonde’s lips curled up into a bright, mischievous smile that made Bea’s body warm and her heartbeat quicken. Bea knew that eyes were on her.  Eyes were always on her.  But despite her knowing, she couldn’t stop her own lips from curving up a little as she tracked Allie across the mess hall to the table where Kaz’s crew had settled for breakfast.

The moment between them didn’t last long. They never did. They couldn’t. Bea had a reputation to maintain after all, and grinning at Allie like a love sick puppy every time she walked into a room was no way to maintain that reputation. But, for a moment, for a few heavenly seconds whenever their eyes met, Bea’s world shrunk down to Allie and that smile, and for a little while, Bea felt like she could breathe.

“What’s got your attention?” Maxine asked, her eyes crinkling at the sides with amusement when Bea turned and blinked at her slowly, as if she were emerging from a fog.

“What?” Bea asked gruffly as she tried to piece together what Maxine had said to her while she was still high on the sight of Allie.  “Nothing,” she added a moment later, straightening her back defensively as she noted the amused little smile tugging at the corners of Maxine’s lips.

“Whatever you say, Boss,” Maxine murmured, looking away from Bea demurely, though she clearly didn’t mean a word that had come out of her still-smiling mouth.

“I was just keepin’ my eye on the room,” Bea stated seriously, staring at Maxine.

“Of course you were,” Maxine replied smoothly, her words doing nothing to soothe Bea’s discomfort, especially when Bea noticed Liz and Doreen exchange an amused and knowing look.

“Don’t,” Bea said warningly, when Liz turned to face her.  “Just don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Liz asked, the question coming out innocently enough though Bea knew it was anything but.

“You know what,” Bea shot back irritably.

“Well, I don’t. What crawled up yer butt all of a sudden?” Boomer asked, looking between the other women at the table, trying to figure out what she’d missed while she’d been concentrating on making sure that her scrambled eggs found a good home in her belly.  “Oh, come on then guys.  Why’s Bea all pissy?”

“I’m not pissy,” Bea pronounced in tone that was absolutely pissy as she crossed her arms defensively.  “I’m just sick of Juice’s shit,” she stated, holding Boomer’s eyes directly for a second.  “Can’t open my goddamn eyes anymore without someone reading something into it,” she complained before sweeping her gaze across the rest of the inhabitants at the table, daring one of them to say something, to contradict her. 

Allie had gotten out of solitary far before Bea had; Juice had gotten out just days after Allie and she had proceeded to immediately start running her big, awful mouth. Juice was a disgusting, abusive, bottom-feeding, predator, but she wasn’t stupid, and after Allie’s enthusiastic greeting slash rap performance for Bea the night Juice had landed in solitary, Bea had been certain that Juice suspected there was something going on between herself and Allie. Therefore, it came as no surprise to Bea, that by the time she got out of solitary, Juice had told everyone she’d laid eyes on that Bea was ‘top dogging’ Allie every chance she got, and even more ridiculous, that Allie had gotten herself thrown into solitary on purpose so that she and Bea could talk dirty to each other through the vents and jerk themselves.

No one on H Block was stupid enough to say anything about the rumors around Bea, but since her return to gen pop, she’d felt more eyes than usual on her, especially when she and Allie were in the same room, and she knew that the women were still trying to figure out whether they believed Juice, whether they thought she might have been partially telling the truth, or whether she was just spewing her usual shit.

“Nothing?” Bea asked, her eyes scanning the table one last time, giving everyone one a final opportunity to make a bad decision.  “Good,” she declared when nobody, even Boomer, proved foolish enough to comment further on her earlier distraction and the possible cause for it. 

The table was quiet for a minute as the other women turned back towards their food, busying themselves for a bit to give Bea a moment to calm down. However, when the silence had gone on for long enough that it started to get uncomfortable, Maxine took one for the team and chanced addressing Bea, beginning to fill her in about some gear that Kim Chang had been found with the night before, and the atmosphere around the table mellowed as Bea’s posture finally relaxed as she turned her mind from the confusing situation with Allie towards an issue she actually knew how to handle.

xxx

Maxine glanced into the mirror in front of her, watching Bea contemplatively as the redhead drew a comb through her hair, practicing for the wash, cut n’ colour program she had started so that she could cozy up to Allie to get information, and then found herself stuck with actually running afterwards.

“Well come on then, spit it out,” Bea prompted, catching Maxine’s eyes in the mirror.

Maxine had been casting questioning looks at her since she’d taken a seat in Bea’s chair.

“It’s nothing,” Maxine hedged, waving her hand it as if brushing the question away.  “I don’t want to push,” she continued meeting Bea’s eye again in the mirror.  “I just hope that you know that if you ever want to talk about anything, anything at all, that I’m always here for you.”

“I know,” Bea replied softly, looking away from Maxine, though she gave the brunette’s shoulder a little squeeze to let her know she had taken her words to heart.  “I...” Bea paused, and breathed out deeply, torn between her natural instinct to keep her thoughts and feelings to herself and her desire to actually talk about what all of the feelings that had been growing inside of her since the day Allie had reached out and brushed some hair off her cheek in the mess hall.  “I’m just…” Bea sighed in resignation, and then glanced towards the door of her cell before walking over to it and closing it.

She didn’t really want to talk about her feelings, but she suspected that she needed to. She was stuck, her mental gymnastics leaving her exhausted but no clearer as to what she should do about her feelings for Allie. She needed perspective. She needed advice ... and she trusted Maxine. 

“I’m not good at talking about this kind of stuff,” Bea muttered as she walked towards her bed.

“What kind of stuff,” Maxine asked, shifting to face Bea as the redhead plopped down on her bed and settled with her back against the wall.

“Feelings,” Bea muttered darkly, picking at her track pant bottoms to avoid Maxine’s gaze.

“Feelings,” Maxine repeated softly, thoughtfully.  “About Allie?” she probed carefully, speaking to Bea in the same gentle tone one would use with a skittish horse that could bolt at the slightest movement.

“Sort of,” Bea replied, turning her head to stare at the back of the door to her cell.  “I mean, not that shit Juice is saying,” she continued, glancing over at Maxine briefly.  “I mean, it’s not all dirty.  It’s not some sex thing,” she managed to finally get out as she shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

Maxine slipped off of the chair she was seated on and moved over towards the bed, climbing onto it with Bea and settling herself beside Bea, close to her but not touching her, offering comfort but not pressure.

“What is it like then?” Maxine asked, staring forward, knowing that it would be easier for Bea to answer without Bea feeling her eyes on her.

“I don’t know.” Bea shrugged helplessly.  “It’s nice, I guess. I like being around her. She makes me smile,” Bea continued awkwardly, though a little smile formed on her lips a moment later as she remembered the night they had shared in solitary, and how Allie had made her actually fall over laughing, how Allie had somehow made her actually giggle.  “I feel almost … normal, when I’m around her,” Bea said softly, “like I can breathe.  When she’s around, I feel like maybe everything isn’t complete shit.”

“That’s a good feeling, Bea,” Maxine said gently.

She’d seen how much stress Bea had been under since her return to Wentworth, and she’d been worried for a while about how Bea seemed to be losing herself, drowning under the weight of her responsibilities, and memories of the past and everything that she had lost.

“That’s not all she makes you feel though, is it?” Maxine continued knowingly.

Bea leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, breathing out deeply before shaking her head.

“Is she the first woman you’ve wanted to …” Maxine began, trying to root out exactly what it was that had Bea tied up in such knots about liking Allie.

“It’s not … it’s not about that,” Bea interjected, looking everywhere but at Maxine.  “I mean, I don’t care that she’s a she.  It’s what she makes me _feel_ , you know?”

“What does she make you feel?”

“Out of control,” Bea said honestly.  “Like a damn kid,” she sighed.  “All these emotions,” Bea continued, thinking about the nerves, and the sweaty palms, and the butterflies in her stomach; about the pounding of her heart, and the throbbing between her legs, about wanting to touch Allie, and dreaming about being touched by Allie when for so long sex had been something that Bea feared and had tried to avoid. “Feeling like this is so weird.”

Maxine smiled at that, her eyes gentle as she looked over at Bea who sighed upon seeing the look on Maxine’s face.

“Don’t,” Bea moaned.  “Don’t look at me like that,” she complained, and mercifully Maxine turned and directed her eyes at the wall opposite them.

“You’ve never had a crush?” Maxine asked, “Not even when you were a teenager?”

“Who can remember that far back?” Bea asked wryly, and when Maxine turned to face her, they both let out a bark of laughter.  “Seriously, though … I dunno.  If I had crushes in school the nightmare of marriage seems to have scrubbed out any memory of them. And now …” Bea exhaled roughly and ran a hand through her hair, tugging agitatedly at a curl.  “I’m too old to be feeling like this; smiling like an idiot whenever she walks into a room; getting tingles when she touches my cheek.  I feel stupid.  It’s ridiculous.”

“It’s not ridiculous,” Maxine replied firmly, angling her body towards Bea.  “It’s not. It’s lovely. It’s beautiful, Bea. Life is,” Maxine stopped for a moment, biting down on her bottom lip to try and control her emotions as tears began to well in her eyes. “Life is too short to spend it talking ourselves into being miserable,” she continued seriously a few moments later.  “It’s not stupid to feel good. There’s nothing ridiculous about wanting to be around someone who makes you happy. You are deserving of joy and love. No,” Maxine went on, holding up her hand when Bea started to protest. “No, you listen to me right now, Top Dog.  You may be caged, but that doesn’t mean your heart has to be too. Life is too tough to go through alone, especially in here.”

“That’s selfish, isn’t it? My feelings for her could make her a target,” Bea replied softly. “She could be in danger because of me,” she continued, tortured by the thought that her love could ruin Allie, like it did Debbie.

“You’re Top Dog, Bea, and Allie’s one of Kaz’s girls too.  Kaz, she’ll huff and puff when she finds out, but she respects her girls. She won’t try to police what Allie can and can’t do with her own body.  Kaz’ll stick by her, and between the two of you, nobody in here would be stupid enough to fuck with Allie. You know that,” Maxine said softly.  “Not that it matters much anyway,” she added a moment later.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bea asked, turning to look at Maxine curiously.

“It means I’ve seen the way you look at her,” Maxine said simply.

“And how do I look at her?” Bea asked a little archly, unconsciously straightening her back, her posture unconsciously becoming slightly more aggressive.

“Like she’s a cool glass of water and you’ve been stuck in the outback for days,” Maxine replied, not the least bit intimidated by Bea’s posturing. “A thirst like that can only be managed for so long. It’s only a matter of time before you end up going for a drink downtown,” Maxine continued, winking at Bea playfully.

Bea’s eyes widened and then narrowed as she extended her arm, shoving at Maxine’s shoulder even as a small smile settled on her lips.

“Nobody’s gone for a drink downtown, okay.”

“Not yet,” Maxine retorted earning a glare from Bea, but not a rebuttal, which made Maxine smile triumphantly. “No one could blame you. She’s very well-proportioned, your little Allie Cat,” Maxine went on teasingly, laughing and then lifting her arms to defend herself when Bea started to swat her in an attempt to shut her up.  “I perused a lot of tits before finding the one’s meant for me, and let me tell you … oh, interesting. What’s that look?  Are you blushing?” Maxine asked as Bea dipped her head down and angled it away from her in an attempt to hide the fact that she was indeed blushing.  “You are! So you’ve noticed them?”

“Noticed?” Bea asked, her tone a little strangled as she thought back to the encounter she’d had with Allie in the showers all those weeks ago.  “I’ve seen them,” Bea continued, leaving the ‘ _and you have no idea how spectacular they actually are’_ implied _._

“Bea Smith,” Maxine drawled, in a scandalized tone as she grinned at Bea. “Top Dog or Ol’ Dog,” she continued sounding impressed.  “So, was she just baiting the hook, or have the two of you actually …”

“No,” Bea replied immediately.  “No,” she repeated a bit more calmly.  “We haven’t.  It wasn’t like that.  It was more of a … business thing,” Bea continued soberly, properly ashamed of the situation that had led to her seeing Allie undressed. 

“A business thing,” Maxine repeated dubiously.

“Yeah,” Bea responded, shrugging, “A business thing.”

In response to that, Maxine simply stared at Bea incredulously until Bea started to squirm under her gaze.

“It was a business thing,” Bea insisted.

“Of course,” Maxine murmured.  “Just a regular, every day, topless business thing. Perfectly run of the mill.”

Bea sighed deeply and crossed her arms, looking away from Maxine.

“This is peer abuse,” Bea muttered.

“You should report it to your Support Worker,” Maxine replied guilelessly. “Do you want to tell Dor about the new business dress-code or should we just assume she’ll know to arrive topl…” Maxine went on until her response was abruptly cut off when a pillow hurtled from Bea’s end of the bed connected with her face.

xxx

**Two weeks later…**

A mostly sleepless night had Bea at the showers first thing in the morning, hoping that a shower and some peace and quiet would rejuvenate her and pound some alertness into her exhausted body.

Rubbing her eyes tiredly, barely aware of her surroundings, Bea made her way into the shower room and dumped her towel and shower supplies onto a nearby bench before plopping down next to them to untie her shoes.

“You’re not really a morning person, are you?”

Bea’s head snapped up in surprise, first at the sound of a voice when she’d thought herself alone in the room, and then with a flush of pleasure when her eyes found the source of the voice a moment later.

Allie …

Bea swallowed thickly.

Allie … in nothing at all … standing in front of one of the stalls …

Bea didn’t mean to stare, really she didn’t… but she did. She stared. Her eyes dropped down to cutely painted little toes, and then raked up toned calves to shapely thighs and the firm rounded globe of a beautifully formed ass.  Bea’s eyes moved up to feast on the sight of a gently rounded stomach, and lovely, full, pink capped breasts, before her gaze finally settled on Allie’s face, with her smirking lips and her twinkling eyes.

 _Twinkling eyes … Shit!_ Bea thought as she realized that she’d been caught staring.

Bea stood up in a delayed greeting, her back straight as focused her eyes on the shower curtain behind Allie’s very nude, very lovely, very distracting body.

“Didn’t think anyone else would be here so early,” Bea muttered awkwardly, shifting her weight from foot to foot uncomfortably as she spoke. “Didn’t mean to …” she waved her hand vaguely in Allie’s direction, “intrude.”

“It’s a communal shower,” Allie replied, her voice teasing yet sweet in that way of hers that made Bea feel warm and tingly.  “Intrusions are to be expected. Besides,” she continued, glancing down at her nudity without any hint of embarrassment, “it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Allie’s words brought flashes of memory to the forefront of Bea’s brain and Bea couldn’t help remembering the feel of Allie’s slick skin pressed against her own wet, naked flesh. She remembered the feel of Allie’s body moving back against her, pressing into her with every breath the woman took. She remembered the way Allie had sunk to her knees before her, chest heaving with excitement as she stared up at Bea. She remembered the look in Allie’s eyes, the hunger as Allie’s gaze fell between her legs, and she remembered the sudden and hot rush of arousal that had flared inside of her at the sight of Allie before her like that.  

She also remembered the violence of the encounter. She remembered the punishing nature of her touch as she had shoved Allie against the wall to intimidate her. She remembered how sick she had felt when Allie had turned around and she’d seen the cut above Allie’s right eye, a wound she had delivered with the force with which she’d pushed Allie against the wall.

“I want you to know that I’m …” Bea began brusquely, full of guilt and shame for her actions all those weeks ago.  “I’m sorry,” she continued, her voice softening as she took a deep breath and met Allie’s eyes, needing to be looking at her when she apologized for what she had done that day. “I regret that day,” Bea said earnestly.  “I regret hurting you.  It won’t happen again.  I promise. I’m not what Kaz has been saying. I’m not…”

“I know,” Allie interjected gently, taking a step towards Bea, though she stopped moving when she saw Bea’s posture stiffen. “And for the record, I meant what I said before.  I’m not scared of you,” Allie continued seriously, holding Bea’s eyes.  “And, just so you know, if you ever feel like joining me in there again, you’ve got a standing invitation.”

Bea smiled before she could stop herself, and then blushed and looked away when she realized what she had done.

“I … I don’t,” Bea began a bit helplessly, glancing over at Allie before looking away again.

The thought of joining Allie in that shower did things to her body, very pleasant things, but it also terrified her.  She wasn’t used to wanting sex, she wasn’t used to this pulsing, wet, aching need that she felt when Allie looked at her the way she was looking at her then. She felt, raw, and open, vulnerable in a way that made her skin crawl and tingle at the same time. She wanted Allie, but she was scared of wanting her, and she didn’t even know how to begin explaining that.

“I get it,” Allie murmured, sparing Bea the effort of searching for words she didn’t have.  She took a step closer to Bea, and while the redhead remained tense, she didn’t step back.  “I’m not trying to push you to do anything.  You’re just so sexy when you blush,” Allie continued, drawing another blush to Bea’s cheeks as she came to a stop just short of Bea. “That,” Allie went on, angling her head towards the shower, “doesn’t have to be a proposition. We could just shower,” she said softly, hesitating for a moment before she reached out for Bea’s hand.  “We could just, you know, be close to each other,” she went on, her voice barely a whisper as she settled Bea’s hand on her naked waist, “If you want.”

Bea’s thumb instinctively brushed over the smooth skin laid out beneath it, her eyes fluttering closed briefly at the heavenly softness.

Oh, how she wanted.

“Okay,” Bea whispered, barely aware that she was speaking.

There was a part of her that questioned the wisdom of her response; that was still afraid of feeling, of opening herself up to someone, of trusting someone and being hurt by them again. But for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, Bea did not listen to that fear. Instead, she focused on the warmth of Allie’s skin beneath her hand. She let herself enjoy the slight hitch in Allie’s breathing every time she brushed her thumb over Allie’s hip. She allowed herself to imagine being held in Allie’s arms as water rained down around them, skin pressed against skin, their chests rising and falling in tandem as they just existed together.

“Okay,” Bea breathed out again, smiling a moment later when Allie smiled at her brightly.

xxx

“It’s okay,” Allie said softly as Bea stood silently, staring at Allie uncertainly after having joined her in the stall.  “I won’t bite,” Allie continued gently, “Well,” she added wryly, “not unless you ask me to.” Her words drew s a little smile from Bea in response.  “You can come closer,” Allie began, serious and tender once again.  “I’d like it if you came closer.”

Bea remained still for a moment, but then she took a step forward, and then another until they were standing directly in front of each other.

“Hi,” Allie breathed out, watching Bea as Bea’s eyes moved restlessly all over her face.

“Hey,” Bea whispered back, smiling a little before her gaze focused and she breathed out softly, a look of determination settling over her features.

“Is everything ok…“ Allie began before her breath hitched and she breathed in deeply when Bea’s hands settled on her hips.

“I’m fine,” Bea replied, a rough edge to her soft tone as her fingers trailed lightly over Allie’s skin.  “Is this okay?” she asked as her fingers drifted behind Allie to ghost up her back.

“Yeah,” Allie breathed out, nodding her head as struggled to stop her eyes from slipping shut from the pleasure of Bea’s touch. “It’s you,” Allie explained softly, her words making Bea gaze at her for a moment with an expression that Allie couldn’t quite characterize but which made her ache nonetheless.

“I…” Bea began before pausing as her eyes drifted down between them, drinking in the sight of Allie once again.  “You’re very beautiful,” Bea husked, dragging her eyes up to meet Allie’s once again. 

“That should be my line,” Allie breathed out, lifting her hand to reverently stroke Bea’s cheek.

“I’m not,” Bea began, attempting to look away from Allie, but Allie was having none of that.

“You are,” Allie said, catching Bea’s chin and gently nudging it back towards her so that she could meet Bea’s eyes. “Sometimes, dragging my eyes away from your ass actually causes me physical and emotional distress,” she continued, her words drawing a small smile and chuckle from Bea.

“I’ve noticed,” Bea murmured as her smile grew a little larger.

“Good,” Allie replied, not showing a trace of embarrassment.  “I like it when you notice me.  I like it when you look at me,” she sighed as Bea looked at her lips, and her neck, and her collarbone, and her breasts which they lingered on. 

“You can touch them.”

Bea looked up at Allie sharply after she spoke, and for a moment Allie thought that she had ruined things by pushing too hard, too soon.  She worried that Bea was going to turn and walk out of the shower and away from her, but as Bea continued to gaze into Allie’s eyes she moved her hands to Allie’s breasts and cupped them.

Allie’s eyelashes fluttered in pleasure at Bea’s exploratory touch. Her nipples tightened under Bea’s palms and lower, she began to throb and clench as her body warmed, preparing itself for more touch, for more Bea.

“You feel good in my hands,” Bea whispered roughly, unable to resist running her thumbs over Allie’s nipples, unable to deny the heat that flushed her body when Allie gasped and clutched at her hip.

Allie released a ragged breath and her eyes closed briefly as Bea’s words lit a fire inside of her. 

“That,” Allie gasped, lifting her hands to cover Bea’s where they remained on her breasts, “was possibly the hottest thing I’ve ever heard … but if you keep saying things like that I’m definitely going to end up on my knees again, because holy fuck, Bea …” she exhaled shakily.  “I thought we were meant to be chill, though,” she continued, guiding Bea’s hands back down to her hips.

“Sorry,” Bea said gruffly, moving to draw her hands away from Allie’s hips too before Allie grasped her wrists and stopped her.

“Don’t be,” Allie said.  “I liked what you were doing just now, like a lot. I just don’t want to pressure you. I may not be able to keep my eyes off your ass, or any other part of you, but that’s not what I’m about with you. I care about you.  If you want to go slow, then we’ll go slow.  If you want more, then we can do that to. But, I’m here okay.  I’m here with you either way.”

Bea nodded, and leaned towards Allie, resting her forehead against Allie’s, and Allie wrapped her arms around Bea’s waist, holding her lightly in the circle of her arms.

“Thank you,” Bea murmured a minute later.

“Of course.  DJ Allie Cat’s a gentleman,” Allie teased, making Bea guffaw softly.  “What?” Allie asked. “Have I not been well-mannered?” she continued, affecting a posh accent.

“Yeah,” Bea murmured, shy and sweet, as she ducked her head a little, unconsciously nuzzling into Allie’s neck.  “I’ve just never met a gentleman with such exquisite tits before,” Bea continued in a more impish tone as she smiled into Allie’s neck.

“See, I know that was a compliment,” Allie began playfully, “and I appreciate it, I do.  But now I can’t stop wondering how many gentlemen you’ve met with disappointing tits.”

Bea’s body began to vibrate in her arms at that, and Allie knew that she was laughing even though she couldn’t see Bea’s face.

“Shut up,” Bea muttered a few seconds later, pinching lightly at the expanse of Allie’s back her hands were pressed against as they stood there together under the spray, water beating down on them as they held each other.

“Your loss,” Allie murmured as Bea’s chest rose and fell, calm and steady.  “Cuz I’ve been working on some sick new rhymes that would rock your world, but if you don’t like awesome things then I guess …”

“I like awesome things,” Bea interjected softly.

“I dunno,” Allie hedged playfully.  “You hurt my feelings with your pinches and ‘shut ups’.  I happen to be very sensitive about my art.”

“You don’t need to be,” Bea offered sweetly. “You are without a doubt the second best rapper in this stall,” she continued, and this time it was Allie’s body that vibrated with quiet laughter.

“You’re gonna regret being so mean once I drop it like it’s hot, cuz it is,” Allie pronounced once she’d calmed down a bit.  “This is gonna knock your socks off.”

“My socks are already off,” Bea replied, grinning over at Allie.

“Oh, okay, I see how it is,” Allie said, making Bea laugh.  “You don’t even deserve this lyrical white Italian truffle I’m about to drop,” Allie continued, feeling Bea’s body vibrate against as Bea bit down on her bottom lip to stop from laughing out loud, “but I’m gonna bless with you with it anyway,” she went on before she started beat-boxing badly, drawing more laughter from Bea before she started laying down lyrics. 

“Exquisite tits,” Allie started, making Bea groan with the realization that Allie was not going to let her live that comment down anytime soon, “Don’t need no dick,” she went on, laughing when Bea helpfully called out, “Word!”

“Lady in my arms,” Allie sang. “Doin’ no harm.  Rappin’ in the shower, big pimpin’ for an hour…” Allie continued as Bea tightened the hold she had on Allie’s body and lost herself in the sound of Allie’s voice.

xxx

“You’re staring,” Allie murmured as Bea’s eyes focused on her lips again.

“Thought you’d be used to that by now,” Bea breathed back, smiling a little though her eyes remained contemplative and focused on Allie’s mouth.

Allie smiled at her and chuckled lightly before replying, “I don’t know if I’m used to it, but I like it.”

“Yeah?” Bea asked distractedly, as her eyes focused on Allie’s mouth once again.

“Yeah,” Allie confirmed, struggling to keep her hands to herself as the look in Bea’s eyes sent shivers through her body.  “In fact, I could definitely get used to…”

Allie’s reply was cut off when Bea’s hands gripped her hips more firmly and she leaned forward quickly, pressing their lips together before she could lose her nerve. 

It was a soft kiss, a chaste kiss, little more than the ghosting of Bea’s lips over her own, but it sent a flush of warmth through Allie’s body and had her eyes closing with the pleasure of it. 

Too soon, it was over, and Bea was pulling back, Allie’s eyes opening to the sight of Bea watching her with a mixture of anxiety and anticipation.

Bea’s pupils were dilated, and her water slick chest rose and fell quickly as her eyes slipped back down to look at Allie’s lips.    

The feel of Allie’s lips pressed against hers had been indescribable. It had sent Bea’s heart racing, and made her clench with need and desire in a way that finally allowed her to truly understand why so many of the women had been obsessed with being granted conjugal visits.

Now that she had tasted Allie, Bea didn’t want to go another minute without feeling Allie’s lips against hers again, let alone weeks, or months, or years. 

She just hoped she hadn’t made a huge mistake taking a chance and following her feelings.  She hoped Allie had felt the same electricity she had when their lips connected.  She hoped Allie …

Bea gasped softly as Allie’s hands cupped her face, cradling it gently as she leaned forward and brought their lips together again, kissing Bea with a sweet desperation that had Bea’s hands clutching at her skin, running up the sides of Allie’s torso and down her back, grasping at her ass with a hunger Bea wasn’t capable of being embarrassed by as Allie sucked on her lip and gripped her hips tight, keeping Bea close to her.

“I don’t wanna fuck you in a shower,” Allie breathed out hotly across Bea’s lips before she was kissing her again like Bea was life giving, like Bea was oxygen.

“What?” Bea panted, her mind struggling to comprehend the disparity between what she thought she heard Allie moan, and what Allie’s mouth and hands were currently doing to her body.

“I don’t want our first time to be in the showers,” Allie sighed, finally finding the strength to pull back from Bea’s mouth, though she kept her hands resting on Bea’s hips, not able to let go of her completely.

“I know that before, that the other time we were in a stall together, I …” Allie sighed, remembering the way she had dropped to her knees before Bea, ready and eager to diffuse tension between them in a way that would’ve left them both panting with smiles on their faces.  “I didn’t know you then. Like, I thought you were fucking hot, but … now it’s different.  Now it’s … more,” Allie continued softly, explaining with actions rather than words as she leaned forward to rest her forehead against Bea’s and slid her right hand from Bea’s waist over to her arm, running her fingers lightly over soft, smooth skin, until she reached Bea’s hand and was able to link their fingers together. “I don’t want it to be a quickie in the showers.”

Bea squeezed Allie’s hand tightly as she blinked rapidly, fighting back tears as she gazed at Allie. “Me either,” Bea rasped out, voice rough with emotion, and then Bea was leaning into Allie’s body, crashing their lips together, kissing Allie deeply as her hands moved in a way that made it unclear if Bea truly understood what ‘not fucking in the shower’ consisted of, until a voice sounded from outside of the showers and then the door hinges squealed as they were pushed open.

Bea’s held Allie’s eyes apologetically for a second, and she was stepping back quickly, her features shifting, turning into something hard and impenetrable as she turned towards the entrance to the stall and slipped past the curtain.

“What’s good, Jones?” Bea asked challengingly, looking directly at the newcomer as Jones’ eyes slipped past Bea into the stall behind her where a gap in the curtain provided a tantalizing glimpse at Allie’s nude body. 

“You tell me,” Jones replied, eyeing Bea boldly before glancing back at the stall.

Bea grinned at Jones coldly, nodding her head for a moment before she stalked towards the other woman.

“Alright, here it is,” Bea began, her eyes as unforgiving as the arctic tundra, as she continued to smile at Jones.  “She’s mine,” Bea said, cocking her head towards the stall.  “That means I get to look and you get to walk your beady little eyes somewhere else, if you wanna keep ‘em, that is,” Bea continued, her gaze steady and unblinking as she stared Jones down. “And while you’re at it, walk the rest of you the fuck outta my sight too,” Bea said pointedly, jerking her finger in the direction of the empty stalls towards the entrance, dismissing her.

Jones scowled but headed in the direction Bea had indicated.

Bea watched her for a few seconds to make sure she was going to do as told, and then she grabbed the things she had abandoned on the bench earlier, and made her way into the stall next to Allie’s.

Once the water was on and adjusted to a decent temperature, Bea kept her eyes on the wall of her stall for a while, very aware of Jones glancing in their direction every few seconds, checking up on them to see if they were doing anything that would make an even better story than having walked in on Bea Smith in Allie Novak’s shower stall.

This game of visual cat and mouse went on for five minutes or so until Jones accepted the fact that now that there was an observer in the room Bea and Allie weren’t going to do anything interesting, at which point she started to sing to herself in a soft, off-key little warble as she began to shampoo her hair.

With the coast relatively clear, Bea turned her head towards Allie.

She only had to wait a few seconds until Allie, as if feeling Bea’s eyes on her, turned in Bea’s direction.

“Yours?” Allie mouthed to her, arching a questioning eyebrow at Bea even as her lips pulled up in a smile.

A look of concern came over Bea’s features, and she looked to the side, checking that Jones was still distracted shampooing before she took a step towards the barrier that separated her stall from Allie’s.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Bea whispered softly.  “It’s just that, half the block already thinks that we’re … you know…”

“Fucking each other’s brains out,” Allie supplied helpfully when Bea paused, trying to figure out a way to phrase how Juice had been characterizing what they’d been up to.

Bea looked scandalized by Allie’s words, and Allie grinned even wider in response.

“People aren’t as shy talking about ‘what Juice said’ around me,” Allie said in response to Bea’s look.  “Trust me on this.”

“Fine,” Bea sighed.  “My point being, that asshole is definitely going to tell anyone who will listen that she found me in your stall, and I just, I wanted her get that …”

“I’m yours,” Allie interjected softly, cutting to heart of the matter.

Bea’s eyes shifted to meet hers when she spoke, and when they did Allie saw guilt in them, as Bea nodded her head, because essentially that was what she had meant. She was essentially claiming Allie, though not out of some twisted sense of superiority or entitlement. It was just that Allie would be safer if people knew that going for Allie meant fucking with Bea. For Allie’s sake, Bea didn’t want anyone to have any doubts about where she stood.

“Hey,” Allie breathed out, reaching out to quickly brush her fingers along Bea’s cheek.  “I get it. And I liked the sound of it,” she admitted, please to see the tenseness that had settled in Bea’s shoulder relax slightly at the sound of her words. 

Allie knew that Kaz wouldn’t like the sound of it when the whispers reached her.  Kaz was still doubtful, unsure of who Bea really was and what or who she stood for. Allie knew she was in for a hard talk with Kaz in the near future, but she wouldn’t back away for it.  She loved Kaz, she owed Kaz her life and Kaz had earned her loyalty, but what was happening with Bea was meaningful to Allie, it was important, and she wasn’t going to give it up. She owed Kaz a lot, but she was her own person and she could decide for herself who she’d spent time with and who’d she be intimate with, and Kaz would accept it, because if she didn’t she was as much of a hypocrite as she thought Bea was. 

“Besides,” Allie continued smiling, shaking thoughts of Kaz and difficult conversations ahead from her mind for the moment.  “You’re really sexy in Top Dog mode,” she purred, a flush of warmth surging through her when a blush coloured Bea’s cheeks and the redhead’s eyes skittered away from hers.

Out of the corner of her eye, Allie noticed Jones turning in their direction and she stepped back from Bea, centering herself under her showerhead again, and they both focused on looking innocent until Jones was facing away from them again.

“You’re a good kisser,” Allie whispered to Bea, leaning towards her, that wicked smile that Bea loved turning up the corners of her lips again.

“Stop teasing,” Bea whispered before making a face at Allie that was supposed to convey anger but ended up looking more cutely grouchy.

Allie’s eyes tracked past Bea to make sure that Jones wasn’t looking in their direction and then she leaned over the stall divider and whispered, “I’m not teasing,” Allie said earnestly.  “I want to kiss you again … a lot.”

“I want to kiss you again too,” Bea whispered back, “A lot,” she added with a shy little grin, mortified and exhilarated by the ridiculousness of their conversation and the way it lit her up inside, making her feel like she was flying.

Bea’s lips parted to say more, but before she could, the door to the showers squealed opened again, and three more women walked into the room.

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” Allie whispered to Bea quickly, smiling brightly a moment later when Bea nodded her head.

Reluctantly, Allie turned away from Bea and reached for her towel, wrapping it around herself as the group that had just entered the showers made their way towards them.

Once Allie disappeared through the shower curtain, Bea closed her eyes, trying to hold onto the image of Allie smiling at her as she ducked her head under the spray and focused on actually taking a shower.

She didn’t know if Maxine was right and she was ‘ _deserving’_ of joy and love. She didn’t know what tomorrow, or the next day, or the next year would bring. But, for the first time in a very long time, as Bea fingers traced over her lips, remembering the feel of Allie against them, the promise of tomorrow didn’t feel like a threat to Bea.

It felt like possibility.

 

The End


End file.
